Romeo? What a Pain!

Mercutio: Act II Scene I

Today was epic! What luck it was to run into that idiot servant of the Capulet house! I could hardly hold in my laughter when he asked if Romeo could read the guest list for the Capulet's party! It was bloody great timing actually, because I was getting annoyed with Romeo's whining again. "Rosaline this!" and "Rosaline that!" Ugh! It's enough to make a person want to puke over Romeo just to shut him up! He needs to come to his senses about women. If they don't want to be with you and, oh I don't know, they rather join a CONVENT instead, you gotta learn to give up on them and go after the next one. I mean, come on, there are PLENTY of great looking women in the world. Take Genevieve from down the street for example. Why wouldn't Romeo want to go after a piece like that for a change, instead of obsessing sickeningly over Rosaline? I mean she has looks that are enough to make a man... Anyway, as I was saying, it was bloody luck that we ran into that Capulet servant today. We found a party to crash! The Capulets were having this ball with a HUGE guest list (which we weren't on, what a shame), and Benvolio suggested that we all go to it. He told Romeo that it was a sure way to get his mind off of Rosaline. Thank God for Benvolio and his patience. When I was ready to snap Romeo's head off because of the complaining, good old Ben used his head and suggested a solution that was far more peaceful and interesting for all of us. It took a lot of coaxing for us to convince Romeo to go with us, but he eventually gave in. Before we could finally convince him though, we had to sit through more of his sickeningly phony worship of Rosaline. Not only that, but we had to listen to crap about some "ill foreboding" that Romeo had about going. He was convinced that the party was going to bring about his "untimely death" or something, and that it was all a part of some fate that was written in the stars. I swear, the only untimely death that was imminent was mine due to boredom.

So we went to the party. And let me tell you, old Ben sure does have his uncanny stokes of genius every one in a while! The party was LOADED with gorgeous babes, and not only that, it was chock full of food and wine as well. I can't really remember the party

in great detail, except that it included girls and about four glasses of the bubbly. Anyways, I pretty sure Romeo was pretty occupied (thank God), because he didn't come moaning to me even

once about Rosaline. He must have been really preoccupied, because when Benvolio and I left, we couldn't find the bastard! So of course we went looking for him, and I remember thinking that he had just run off to go and mope about. I remember laughing and calling out to him in imitation of a far more interesting Rosaline. Eventually though, old Ben and

I gave up and went home to bed with all of the other sensible people in Verona. We're just about to go and look for Romeo again. Hopefully he grew a brain and was with a chick all night instead of moping around in the woods somewhere. Oh well. We'll find out what he's up to eventually. Here we go again.

Juliet is to Be Married!

Nurse (Act I, Scene III)

Ay me! Juliet is to be married soon! Oh! I remember when I nursed her at my bosoms as if it were only yesterday… Quite frankly I wish those days could've lasted forever, but life and its hardships continue whether I like it or not. Even though those days are gone, I still swear that Juliet sucked out some of my wit when she was merely a babe. She seemed passive about the idea of marriage when my Lady brought it up, but I know my Juliet! I could see the wheels of frustration turning in her head. She doesn't want to be married of just yet! She's only thirteen, and she's told me that she wants to experience more of the world (not to mention the opposite sex) before she has to settle down and "face those dreadfully dreary aspects of being a wife." I've told her time and time again that she can't defy the way the world works, but that girl has spunk (a quality that I pride in myself, mind you), and she is determined to defy the norm. I admire her determination to be different, but how could she be frustrated at the idea of marrying Paris! He is a fine young man, and trust me, you don't run across men like him every day! Not only does he come from a highly respectable family, but he also has the looks to make the head of every woman in Verona spin on its axis! If only I were as lucky to be in Juliet's position, bless her heart. She has the world at her feet, that one. Hopefully Juliet will realize her fortunate situation tonight when she meets Paris at the ball. I foretell that she will fall madly in love this very night! All she has to do is look into Paris's eyes, flirt (which she can do VERY well thanks to yours truly), and she will be set for life. Why worry about having a dreary life when you have a man like Paris to sleep by your side every night? A strapping young man is really all a woman needs to realize her purpose in life. Men complete us, and all we have to do is reap the benefits that come with them!